I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize