I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Im part way to drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
