can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
