I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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