I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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