Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
