Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
