Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
