all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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