Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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