My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
