So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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