you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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