How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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