She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my liver is dry heaving
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
