her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
