I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize