she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the liver wants what the liver wants
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i now understand why vodka
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
