Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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