Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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