I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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