I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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