Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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