He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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