how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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