Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
