You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
