Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
