In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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