was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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