I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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