New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
