If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
