Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
