when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize