Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
