Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
