Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
