The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
