I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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