no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
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Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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