When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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