obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
