I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize