He is such a slut. More and more my type.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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