i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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