Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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