I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
