At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
