I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
