We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
