I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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