shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
