I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
