I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
