I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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