Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
