Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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