he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
