My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
